By Joshua L Mullins

“But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.”
—Romans 12:20 (NASB)

This verse has confused a lot of people. It sounds harsh at first, like Paul is telling you to somehow punish your enemy. But that’s not what it means. Paul is quoting an older saying from Proverbs 25:21-22. The picture of heaping burning coals on someone’s head goes back a long way, and it has nothing to do with hurting them.

In ancient Egypt there was a practice connected to repentance. When someone wanted to show they were truly sorry for what they had done, they would carry a pan or tray of hot coals on their head as a public sign of shame and remorse. The heat and the glowing coals represented the burning pain of a guilty conscience. It was a way of saying, “I know I’ve done wrong, and it weighs on me.” Solomon used that image in Proverbs, and Paul picked it up in Romans. The point is that when you treat an enemy with unexpected kindness—feeding him when he’s hungry or giving him a drink when he’s thirsty—you can produce that same burning sense of shame in him. Your goodness confronts his conscience. It doesn’t attack him; it makes him face what he’s done.

That’s why Paul puts this right after telling believers not to take revenge. He says leave room for God’s wrath. Don’t try to get even. Instead, do good. The natural reaction when someone hurts you is to want them to feel it too. But kindness does something revenge can’t do. It can soften a hard heart. It can make a person uncomfortable in a good way—uncomfortable enough to start thinking differently about what they did. Not every time, and not with every person, but it opens a door that striking back usually slams shut.

This isn’t easy. Your flesh doesn’t want to feed an enemy. It wants to ignore them or make them pay. That’s why this response has to come from the Holy Spirit. You can’t manufacture real kindness toward someone who has wronged you by trying harder. When you yield to the Spirit, He gives you the ability to do what doesn’t come natural. He helps you see the person the way God sees them and respond with good instead of evil.

Jesus lived this out. He didn’t return insult for insult. He kept doing good even when people treated Him badly. The same Spirit who empowered Him lives in you. So the next time someone acts like an enemy—whether it’s at work, in your family, or somewhere else—ask the Lord for the grace to do the opposite of what you feel. Feed them if they’re hungry. Give them a drink if they’re thirsty. Do the practical good that is in front of you. You may not see an immediate change, but you’re doing what Scripture says will heap burning coals on their head. You’re putting the weight of their own conscience in front of them instead of adding more fuel to the conflict. And you’re leaving the results with God, who knows how to work in a person’s heart.