Forgiveness is one of those things we know we’re supposed to do. It’s right there in the Bible, and it’s a core principle of our faith. But let’s be honest—when someone hurts us deeply, forgiveness feels like the last thing we want to offer. And even when we do forgive, it’s often conditional, right? I’ve found myself saying things like, “Okay, Lord, I’ll forgive them, but I don’t want anything to do with them anymore.”

That’s exactly what I told God when He prompted me to forgive someone who had caused me a lot of pain. It seemed reasonable. I could forgive, but surely I didn’t have to keep that person in my life. But God stopped me in my tracks. He said, “What if I told you that I forgive you, but I don’t want anything to do with you again?”

Let me tell you, those words cut deeper than the original offense. It was like God took a mirror and held it up to my heart, revealing how conditional and shallow my idea of forgiveness was. Suddenly, it wasn’t just about forgiving someone else—it was about repenting for the unforgiveness I was harboring in my own heart.

Forgiving Like God Forgives

When we think about forgiveness, we tend to see it as a one-way street, something we extend to others when we feel like they’ve earned it or when we can muster the strength to let go. But God doesn’t forgive us with strings attached. His forgiveness is complete, full, and unconditional. And that’s what He calls us to reflect in our own lives.

Imagine if God forgave us the way we forgive others—begrudgingly, half-heartedly, or with a clause that says, “I forgive you, but stay out of my life.” That’s not the kind of forgiveness any of us would want from God, is it? Yet, how often do we dish out that very type of forgiveness to those who wrong us?

The Bible clearly states in Matthew 6:14-15 (KJV): “For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” God ties our forgiveness directly to our ability to forgive others. It’s a sobering thought, and it was a wake-up call for me. I couldn’t hold onto this idea that forgiveness could be done halfway or on my terms. God was calling me to a higher standard, one that mirrors His heart.

When Forgiveness Is Hard: The Church Split

It’s one thing to forgive when the hurt is personal—when it’s just between you and another person. But what about when the hurt is broader, like in the context of a church split? If you’ve ever experienced a church splitting apart, you know it’s a special kind of pain. It’s not just about the individual wounds; it’s about the breakdown of community, of trust, and even faith in the people who were supposed to guide and support you.

In these situations, it’s easy to get caught up in rumors. You hear whispers about what may have happened—maybe leadership did something wrong, or maybe there’s something shady going on behind the scenes. But the truth is, in many cases, we don’t know the full story. And that’s dangerous because we can be influenced by half-truths or even outright lies, and those rumors can fuel our hurt.

I’ve been there, feeling that deep sense of betrayal in a church where the truth wasn’t clear. I remember thinking, “Well, if this is true, I can’t ever support them again.” But here’s the hard truth: we can’t act on rumors or let them dictate our feelings. Proverbs 26:20 (KJV) says, “Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceaseth.” When we stop feeding the fire of rumors and gossip, the strife dies down.

But it’s tough, right? Because what if leadership really did mess up? What if the pastor or elders were involved in something inappropriate or sinful? Does that mean they’re cut off from forgiveness? Do they no longer deserve grace? We often expect perfection from leadership, but the truth is, they’re human too. They fall, they make mistakes, and yes, sometimes they sin.

But forgiveness isn’t just for the congregation. It’s for everyone—leaders included. If we want to expose their sins, we better be willing to expose our own first.

The Hypocrisy of Exposing Others’ Sins

Here’s the thing: we’re quick to demand accountability from others, especially from leaders. We want to see their sins laid bare, exposed for everyone to see. We want justice, and sometimes we want to see them fall. But do we hold ourselves to the same standard? If we’re going to insist that leaders be transparent about their mistakes, we should be just as willing to air out our own dirty laundry.

Jesus makes this point abundantly clear in Matthew 7:3-5 (KJV): “And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.”

Before we jump to criticize or expose someone else’s wrongdoing, we need to take a long, hard look at our own lives. We can’t stand in judgment over others while we hide our own sins. That’s hypocrisy, and it’s something God will not tolerate. If we want to be part of a church that heals after a split, it has to start with everyone—leadership and congregation alike—being willing to forgive and repent.

Accountability and Forgiveness

Let me be clear: forgiveness doesn’t mean we ignore wrongdoing. It doesn’t mean we sweep sin under the rug or pretend that everything is okay. There’s a place for accountability, especially within the church. But accountability must be done in the context of love, grace, and forgiveness—not vengeance or bitterness.

The Bible gives us guidance on how to handle accusations against leadership. 1 Timothy 5:19-20 (KJV) says, “Against an elder receive not an accusation, but before two or three witnesses. Them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear.” This passage shows us that there is a process for dealing with sin in leadership, but it’s not to be done lightly or based on rumors. When sin is confirmed, it must be addressed openly so that the church can learn and grow from it. But the goal should always be restoration and healing—not condemnation.

We can’t be so quick to demand someone else’s downfall when we’re not willing to look at our own hearts. If we’re serious about forgiveness, it means forgiving those in leadership too, even when their mistakes hurt us deeply.

The Role of Rumors in Division

In any church conflict or split, rumors can become a wildfire that consumes everything in its path. They spread fast, and before you know it, people are taking sides based on incomplete or false information. That’s why we must be so careful not to let rumors influence our actions. We need to seek the truth, and more importantly, we need to seek God’s wisdom in how we respond.

Proverbs 11:13 (KJV) says, “A talebearer revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter.” In other words, a faithful person doesn’t spread gossip or rumors. They protect the integrity of others, even when they don’t have all the answers. That’s what we need in times of division—a commitment to truth and a refusal to let rumors tear us apart.

Does God Place Boundaries on Us When We Sin Against Him?

This raises an important question: Does God place boundaries on us when we sin against Him? The answer is, yes, there are consequences when we sin, but His ultimate desire is always reconciliation. Scripture shows that God’s heart is never to push us away but to bring us back into relationship with Him, even when we’ve fallen.

One example is found in Isaiah 59:2 (KJV): “But your iniquities have separated between you and your God, and your sins have hid his face from you, that he will not hear.” Sin creates separation between us and God, but that separation is never meant to be permanent. God’s discipline is often a form of love, aimed at correcting us and bringing us back to Him.

In Hebrews 12:6 (KJV), we read, “For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.” This shows that while God does set boundaries and allow consequences for our actions, His ultimate goal is restoration and reconciliation. He disciplines us as a loving Father, not to punish us forever, but to bring us closer to Him.

God doesn’t just want us to forgive—He wants unity and reconciliation in our relationships with one another. Jesus prays in John 17:21 (KJV): “That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me.” The goal of forgiveness is not just to release bitterness, but to maintain unity within the body of Christ.

We Are the Body of Christ—Do We Cut Off Our Members?

The Bible often uses the metaphor of the body to describe the church. In 1 Corinthians 12:12-27 (KJV), Paul explains that we are all part of one body, each member with a unique function. “For as the body is one, and hath many members, and all the members of that one body, being many, are one body: so also is Christ.”

So, what happens when one member sins against another? Do we cut them off? The answer is clear: we don’t cut off a part of the body just because it’s wounded or sick. Instead, we seek healing and restoration. The same principle applies in the church. When one of our members sins against us, the goal is not to sever them from the body but to bring about healing through forgiveness and reconciliation.

Ephesians 4:32 (KJV) says, “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” The call to forgive is not just for the sake of the person who wronged us but for the sake of the unity and health of the entire body of Christ. When we refuse to forgive, we create division in the body, which weakens the church as a whole.

Jesus emphasizes this point in Matthew 18:15-17 (KJV), where He teaches about how to deal with a brother or sister who sins against us. He doesn’t tell us to immediately cut them off. Instead, He lays out a process of reconciliation: first, go to them privately. If that doesn’t work, bring witnesses. Only after all efforts for reconciliation have failed does He advise creating distance. But even then, the heart behind the process is restoration, not punishment.

Forgiveness Is Not Optional

Forgiveness is not an option for the believer—it’s a command. And it’s not just about letting go of a personal offense; it’s about healing the wounds in the body of Christ. When we refuse to forgive, we create division. We keep walls up between us and the people God has called us to be in relationship with, whether they’re members of the congregation or the leaders standing behind the pulpit.

Jesus modeled forgiveness for us in the most powerful way possible. As He hung on the cross, facing the ultimate betrayal, He didn’t lash out. He didn’t hold on to bitterness. Instead, He said, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34, KJV). That’s the kind of forgiveness we’re called to—full, complete, and without conditions.

Repenting for Unforgiveness

As I wrestled with God’s question—“What if I forgave you, but I didn’t want anything to do with you?”—I realized that my issue wasn’t just about forgiving someone else. It was about repenting for the unforgiveness in my own heart. The truth is, when we withhold forgiveness, we’re not just hurting the other person—we’re hurting ourselves. We’re keeping ourselves locked in a prison of bitterness, and it separates us from the fullness of God’s grace.

If you’re holding on to unforgiveness—whether it’s toward a leader, a fellow church member, or anyone else—I urge you to take it to God. Ask Him to soften your heart, to show you where you need to forgive, and where you need to repent. We are all in need of grace, and the only way we’re going to heal is if we extend that same grace to others.

Let’s forgive, repent, and seek unity—not just because God commands it, but because it’s the only path to true freedom, healing, and reconciliation.

—Joshua L Mullins